so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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