the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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