Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
