Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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