i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
