Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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