listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
