it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
