This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
