he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
