First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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