it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bring me that man meat
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
