capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
