FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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