Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
