I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
