so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
