Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
