I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
