I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
