We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
