Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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