am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
