the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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