I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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