I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
