There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team