How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.