dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
