then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
