AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
