I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
