..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
