Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
