??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
