Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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