Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
