the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize