Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
