Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
