I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
