can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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