dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
