i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
