i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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