my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
