Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
