I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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