When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
