bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
