these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
