It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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