there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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