We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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