I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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