Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
