he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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