I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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