Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
