Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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