You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just blew my weed a kiss
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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