Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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