I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize