I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
