Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
