She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
