His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
