Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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