i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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