What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
