just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize