I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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