U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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