We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
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Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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