Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
