Are we in a gay sports bar?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
