If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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