dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
