Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
