After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
