so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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