Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
