I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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